Emmett Versus Drive Thru
by Twilight Mischief
Summary: My way? But I came here for Bella!" Emmett has some fun while doing some errands for Alice. Can fast food survive Emmett?


1**Hello People! This is a little one-shot my friends and I thought of the other day at the mall while discussing funny Twilight antics. I hope you all laugh as much as we did. ****I am not from the west and I do not know the fast food places out there, I've used stores I have in the North East. Please bare with me!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters. **

**Emmett Versus Drive Thrus**

Emmett's P.O.V.

"Pick up some donuts and coffee from Dunkin Donuts. Oh! And Bella wants a whopper and fries from Burger King," Alice called and told me earlier. Renee was coming to our house this afternoon and Alice wanted to make sure we had donuts and coffee for her. I had no idea why. "Make it fast and go through drive thru."Alice had added before she hung up.

I drove through all of Forks and didn't see any Dunkin Donuts or Burger King. _Maybe there in Port Angeles!_ It took me an hour and half to get to Port Angeles. There were dozens of restaurants and food places, but none of them were what I was looking for. I was driving down one of the main streets when I saw an In-N-Out Burger that had a drive thru sign outside of it.

"Maybe they serve donuts and fries there," I muttered to myself as I pulled in. I followed the signs saying "Drive Thru" and saw a line of cars blocking my way. "What are they all doing here?"

_I'm not waiting for them to move, that'll take forever. _I backed up and drove around the 4 or 5 cars that were blocking me. I pulled my jeep right behind the car that was ordering. I heard the cars behind me beep. The guy in the car behind me even got out of his car and banged on my window.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing asshole?!" He screamed at me when I rolled down my window.

I looked at him, he was puny, "I'm trying to buy donuts and fries. What are you doing?" I asked him.

He hit my jeep while he said, "I don't care what your here for, get in the back!"

Who did he think he was? No one touches my jeep! Except Rosalie. I got out of my Jeep and towered over him. His jaw dropped and eyes widened in panic when he saw me. "U-u-uh I'm so sorry. You can just go ahead of me if you like."

I laughed to myself as he ran back to his car. _Humans are so fun. _ The car in front of me had moved and I pulled up to the order box.

"Hi, May I take your order?" The box asked me.

"Yeah I need some donuts, coffee, a whopper, and French fries," I told it.

"...um, sir, we don't sir serve coffee, donuts, or whoppers."

"What do you mean you don't serve them?" I thought all these places had the same menu.

"You have to go to a Dunkin Donuts for the coffee and donuts and a Burger King for the whopper," The box told me.

I growled. I didn't think it would take this much effort to buy stupid coffee. I drove out of the parking lot and took of down the road again.

Stupid Alice. Stupid Dunkin Donuts. Stupid Burger King. I could be playing video games or making out with Rose instead of driving around for stupid human food. I drove around for another half an hour before I finally found a Dunkin Donuts. I pulled in quickly and went straight up to the order box.

"Hi welcome to Dunkin Donuts. What would you like?"

"I need donuts and coffee," I grunted back.

"What kind of donuts and coffee sir?" The voice asked.

"Ummmm, I don't know. What kind do you have?" Alice didn't tell me any specific kind.

"Well sir, if you look at the menu in front of you you can see some of the coffee choices, and if you come in you can see the donut choices," The box said.

No one was behind me so I turned my Jeep off and walked into the store. Only one other person was in the store. I walked up to the counter where a dirty blond with a head set was standing. Wow, she has huge tits!

"Uh, sir? you left your car in drive-thru. you need to move it," She told me.

"What? No ones there. It's fine!" I told her.

"But you can't leave your car there. You have to park in a parking spot look, someone is coming now," She explained as she pointed at a car that had pulled in.

I didn't care if a car was there. "Let them just drive around. I won't be long."

"But... you left your car at the speaker. You HAVE to move it," She was getting mad now. It was kinda funny.

Ah god. All I was trying to get was some coffee. "Just give me five minutes."

"No, you have to move it now. The people in that car are waiting," She put her hands on her hips and glared at me.

"Then go take care of them. I'll be fine by myself," I chuckled. This was getting fun.

"But your car is in front of the speaker... they need to get to the speaker so I can help them. You HAVE to move it now," She pointed at me as she said it.

"Just walk out and talk to them."

"There is more than one car out there now. Can you PLEASE go move that thing?"

Thing? My Jeep was not a thing! Couldn't she see how hot my Jeep was? She glared at me further. "Fine! Just give me one of everything and I'll move my car."

"Move your car first then I will take care of your order," She said as she pointed to my Jeep.

"Whatever," I grumbled as I walked out of the store and moved my Jeep to the first spot I saw.

"So you want one of every donut?"She asked looking less mad.

"One of everything on the menu," I told her while watching her reaction.

Her eyes bugged out and she paled. "One of _everything_?!"

I laughed loudly. Who knew she would freak out like that? This was awesome. "Yeah!"

"Err- What size would you like the drinks to be?" She stuttered.

"Large. I like things big!" I told her.

"Sir, would you just like a box o joe?" She asked me.

My eyes bugged out. A box of joe? Did she know I was a vampire. _Don't be retarded Emmett. She couldn't know!_ "No i don't want a box of this Joe kid! I want coffee."

"Sir, that's what a box o joe is," She sighed and explained slowly.

"Ohh... okay," I nodded.

I watched, amused, as she struggled to get my order together. She was running back and forth around the store carrying boxes and heating bagels. Twenty minutes later I had about 10 packed boxes of donuts, bagels, and sandwiches. Along with this joe boxy thing too. I lifted up the joe box and smelled it. Now normally the smell of human food was terrible, but this coffee stuff smelled amazing. I wanted more! "Could I have some more of these?" I asked the lady.

She glared at me, "How many more?"

I thought about it, "4 more."

She looked like she was going to punch me. I chuckled loudly. I watched as she prepared the rest. When she was done she slammed them on the counter and told me it would cost me 157.38.

I handed her the money and stacked all my stuff on top of each other and was about to walk out when the girl tapped her finger against the "TIPS" jar while looking at me expectantly.

I looked back at her, chuckled, and walked out.

"ASSHOLE!" I heard behind me. "THIS WILL COME BACK TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS, I PROMISE!"

Pfft, what could happen to me? I set everything in the backseat and took one box of joe up front with me to sniff it. I drove around with the box for the next few minutes. _I can't wait for Jasper to smell this. He'll totally love it. _

I stopped at a red light and took a deep sniff of the coffee.

"Ahhhhhhhhh! FUCK! THAT IS HOT! IT BURNS. OH FUCK IT BURNS!" I yelled as hot coffee flooded my nose. I blew my nose trying to get the coffee out of it. Who the fuck decided to heat it up? My shirt (my favorite shirt) was now stained with coffee.

As I mourned my shirt I started looking for a Burger King. I had been taking small, hesitant sniffs of the joe. It was another sixteen minutes and twenty two sniffs later I finally found a Burger King. I pulled into the drive thru line (behind the other cars this time) and waited for my turn.

I pulled up to the order box.

"Hi welcome to Burger King, where you can have it your way," The nasally voice said.

_My way? _"My way? But I came here for Bella!" I told her.

"Sir, what can I get you?" She asked in an overly loud voice.

Fine, two can play that game. "WHOOPER! WHOPPER AND FRIES!"

"SIR! You do not have to scream!" The voice shouted.

"WHAT?" I shouted back while I laughed.

"So a whopper and fries sir?" The chick asked ignoring my question.

"Yes."

"What would you like on your whopper and what size fry?"

"Everything on the whopper and a large fry," I told her. If Bella didn't want something on her whopper she could take it off.

"Okay, drive around," The voice told me.

_This is the most retarded thing in the world. _ I drove my Jeep around the building and pulled back up to the speaker. "Is Bella's food ready yet?"

"... are you serious?" The box asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"SIR! You have to pull up to the window!"

"A window is serving me food?!" This was ridiculous.

"Please just pull up to the window."

I sighed and drove down the tiny road to the small window I had passed by the first time. I handed the guy some money and waited for my food. The guy walked away from the window and started talking to another guy. I loved eavesdropping into humans lives.

"I can't believe he did that to you," The brunette guy said in an overly gay voice.

"Yeah it was pretty dickish," The blond responded in a less gay but still gay voice.

"If I were you I would rip that boy a new vagina!" The brunette responded. **(True quote.)**

I laughed. _Oh my god! That is the greatest thing I have ever heard. _The dude handed me Bella's food, gave me a wink, and said "Have a good day."

I pulled off into the parking lot and looked at what Bella had ordered. I picked up the fries and saw a sticker on it. Apparently they were having a contest to win a new XBOX 360. All you had to do was find the winning piece. I pulled off the sticker to see "Sorry" on the back.

I really wanted to win that XBOX 360. I jumped out of my car and ran into the store. Shoving people out of my way I stepped up to the counter.

"Hi, may I tak-"

"I want 50 things of large fries!" I caught the girl off.

"O-o-kay," She said and put the order in. "Please wait a few minutes."

I looked around as I waited. Over in the corner of the store was a dude wearing a fake head. (Aka The Burger King) He had on a puffy robe thing and funny looking pants. He knelt down next to a small kid and put his hand on the kid's shoulder.

My eyes widened in disgust. This guy was a total pervert. I looked around. No one else seemed to notice anything. I made my way over to him. I glared at him as he stood up to look at me. "You think it's funny to touch kids, you pervert?" I growled at him.

"What?! No!" The voice was muffled. "I was just-"

I gave him a good punch to the stomach and watch him stumble back. He punched me across the face. It didn't hurt and I laughed. I grabbed the fake head, trying to hold him still, but lost my balance when the head came off.

Cops came running through the front door and I panicked. "Shit!" I shoved one out of the way and ran through the door. I threw the fake king head into the passenger seat and went speeding out of the parking lot.

I drove at 90 m.p.h. For a few minutes. I slowed down slightly as I made my way back home.

Bella's P.O.V.

We had been waiting for Emmett to come back for four and half hours now. I heard a car stop in the garage. The door opened and Emmett walked in holding a Burger King head under one arm and a box of coffee under the other.

Jasper asked the question we were all thinking, "Emmett, what did-"

"Shut up or else I'll rip you a new vagina!" Emmett cut him off as he head up stairs sniffing the coffee box.


End file.
